PAS IV: Wouldn't Hurt to Tell The Truth
by RowenaR
Summary: Laura Cadman and Evan Lorne finally have to face the music... non-frat regs, anyone?
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** RowenaR

**Rating:** T

**Category: **Romance

**Disclaimer:** Stargate belongs to Gekko and… all those other people making money with it. Anyway, I don't. Honestly. So – I don't own, you don't sue. Deal?

**Summary: **Laura Cadman and Evan Lorne finally have to face the music... non-frat regs, anyone?

**A/N: **There you go again... promised I wouldn't forget about the regs, didn't I? Although... not already in this chapter. For some reason, they both were a bit reluctant to get it out in the open yet, so they needed a little more time. But don't say I didn't already tell you that this one was going to be character-focused (four chapters, by the way), while I'm trying to think up the plot for the next action-based one. Although at the moment... I'd so very much like to write something fluffy family Earth visit stuff to The Beach Boys' "Kokomo"... ngh.

Anyway, as always: Not a native speaker, so please excuse any weird grammatical constructions, run-ons and typos. Feedback will earn you a cookie, flames will roast my marshmellows.

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**Protect and Survive IV: Wouldn't hurt to tell the truth**

"_So it's:  
Good bye to your little white lies.  
It wouldn't hurt to tell the truth sometimes."_

_Jennifer Kae, "Little White Lies"_

**One**

He's prowling the city for his girlfriend, when he suddenly hears female laughter coming out of the hand-to-hand combat room's open door. One of them is very familiar. In fact, it belongs to aforementioned girlfriend gone AWOL. Involuntarily, he has to smile. Hearing Laura laugh _always_ makes him smile. It reminds him of the fact that amidst a still strange galaxy, with war at their doorstep and death waiting around every corner nearly every time they go off-world, he has managed to find someone he always looks forward coming back to or seeing come through the 'Gate alive.

He knows that technically they shouldn't fool around like this, because sooner or later Sheppard will decide to drop the bomb on them, but he just can't bring himself to break up with her. Sometimes it scares him that to him this is anything but a little fling, some aside, but rather something very _serious_. Laura is the first he wants to see in the morning and the last before falling asleep.

And Laura is the first and sometimes only one he wants to see after a mission gone wrong, after another death. It seems like as long as _she_ is okay, he can bear everything, even making grave mistakes, losing soldier after soldier. If she wasn't there to provide shelter when it's just been too much again, with her quiet acceptance and the ability to know when to shut up and when to talk him senseless… no, he doesn't want to think about Atlantis – his _life_ – without Laura. Instead, he wants to concentrate on her laughter that tells him that no matter what happens outside this city, everything inside it is still okay.

So he positions himself just outside the work-out room to listen to the two women inside – he's recognized the second voice as the one belonging to Teyla Emmagan – and see what they are up to. He knows he shouldn't be eavesdropping, but a little curious streak inside of him always wanted to know what women like Laura and Teyla are talking about when being among themselves.

"You are doing well, Laura." That's Teyla… they were probably doing some work-out together or Teyla was doing some hand-to-hand combat exercise with her. He smirks to himself. So his little Lieutenant is serious about making Captain this year. She doesn't know how close she already is to it, and he'd be damned if he told her. No, he wants to see the surprise on her face when Sheppard provides her with the bars in front of the Atlantis military detachment first hand.

"Thanks. Had a good teacher, though." He can hear the smile in her face, and hopes she means him. But considering that their last sessions have been more of a foreplay than a real exercise he's quite certain she means Teyla.

"You are being too kind. Or do you refer to Major Lorne rather than me?" The tone in Teyla's voice makes it pretty clear that she's good-naturedly teasing Laura with this remark. He can just imagine her coloring deeply for at least a moment or two. Dammit. The whole city knows… He knows he has to go and talk to Sheppard, or Laura might never get her bars after all.

"Nah, it was you. Major Lorne… has been a little too preoccupied the last few weeks to be of any real challenge." Whoa! The little minx! I'll give you challenge, Lieutenant, he thinks. Just you wait. I'll get that smug grin you're most probably wearing wiped off your face in no time.

The two women share a laugh. "I agree to that. I have no idea what is causing him this distraction, though." Of course she has. Teyla isn't blind, and it's very probable that Sheppard has already talked to her about this whole thing. Now, if Laura could just steer her towards revealing how Sheppard thinks about this whole issue…

"Me neither. Maybe he's talked Zelenka into opening the Game Room again." That's just… you could almost think they _know_ that he is listening and are intentionally leading him on. But… no. As strange as women are, they still haven't developed sensors to detect a male lounging around the work-out room, right? On the other hand… this _is_ the Pegasus Galaxy…

The women both burst into very unladylike snorts and then into a fit of giggles. Which prompts a sudden whimpering and gurgling from a corner of the work-out room. Obviously Teyla's brought her son to the training. He's still not gotten used to the thought of Teyla of all people being a mother, even though he'd told her she'd make a great mother. He still thinks it, but… it doesn't change the fact that he'll need a little more time to accommodate himself to seeing her sitting in the cafeteria alone or surrounded by various female crew members, always with the little one in tow.

Even now hearing her making cooing noises to Torren doesn't sit quite right with him. But what really unsettles him is suddenly hearing Laura say: "You know, seeing you with the little one… makes me almost wish for one of my own." An image flashes through his mind… A little girl with Laura's hair and her smile… No. It's only been three months now. No man in his right mind would already be thinking about starting a family.

"Almost?" Oh, he'd really like to know about _that_ as well.

"Yeah, well… it's just… I'm not good with kids. I'm all weird and awkward with them… they make me a little uncomfortable." She sounds genuinely embarrassed about that, and he almost barges in to contrast that statement. He's positive his nephews would just _love_ her.

"Make you uncomfortable? There is nothing uncomfortable about them. But I remember being not sure how to treat them as well. In the end, all you need is some practice… do you want to start now? You can hold Torren." By now he has a fairly good impression of how this is making Laura a little uncomfortable. It's a little funny. She's one of the best explosives specialists in the Corps, and she has worked her way through an impressive amount of cross-training lessons about everything concerning hacking Wraith technology just because she thought it would be fun. She's tough enough to stand her ground even against psychopaths trying to rape her and is starting to make him look bad on the shooting range. And still the thought of having to handle a child makes her uncomfortable.

"I'd rather… I'm afraid to drop him, and I…" Yep, just what he said. She can handle explosives, but is afraid of a kid. It's cute, somehow.

"Oh no, you will not, I trust you in that. Come on, give it a go." Ah, Teyla must have picked that up from Sheppard. Give it another year, he thinks, and she'll start using more of their Earth mannerisms.

"Oh, I… ah, hell. Can't be that hard, if even Rodney can do it." He hears another gurgling, and in the same moment, a couple of scientists come walking along the corridor. They've already spotted him, so there's no way he can continue standing around here and eavesdrop on the girls. Alright, he thinks, best defense is an offense.

Looking as casual as possible, he enters the work-out room, determined to look like he'd just been looking for Laura to finish some report or other, maybe even give her a mild reprimand or something, but when he finally gets to see the girls sitting on the mattresses, with the cradle beside them and the little boy in Laura's arms… his brain ceases to function for a moment.

She's sitting there, still totally unaware of him having entered the room, holding Torren a little awkwardly, but with a disbelieving smile all over her face, and all he can think of is how much he wishes it was _their_ child she was holding. He's never before even thought about actually starting a family with Laura – trying to find a solution to the whole fraternization dilemma has been a _little_ more pressing lately – but right now it's the only thing he can think about.

In the end, it's Teyla who snaps him out of his daze. "Ah, Major… we were just talking about you." He blinks, and now Laura has seen him as well. She tries to look unfazed by his sudden appearance, but he can see that she's a little embarrassed that he's seeing her softer side. Someday, he thinks, he really needs to find a way to tell her that he likes _everything_ about her, the tough Marine as much as the warm-hearted young woman.

"You were? I hope it wasn't the Lieutenant ranting about stupid protective males again." She makes a face and sticks out her tongue at him. God, how much he wants to bend down and kiss her now.

"No, she was not. I think, however, that if she had, she would have been right in certain aspects." Teyla's mouth curls into a frown, and he knows very well what she's alluding to. He still remembers the little scene in the locker room before they'd gone to destroy that massive secret Wraith outpost. He'd actually been mighty relieved when Sheppard had signaled to him to leave the room before he'd gone head to head with Teyla.

"Errr… right. Whatever. But I've been actually… looking for the Lieutenant." That makes Laura clear her throat and Teyla smile knowingly. Jesus Christ, it's really about time they stop their not so secret secretive screwing around.

"What did I do wrong this time, Major?" She really knows which strings she has to pull. The little fake pout and the rolled eyes always make him want to jump her and kiss her senseless.

"If I remember it correctly, you still owe me at least three reports, the confirmation for the leave rotation and a mandatory survival exercise on the mainland. Any idea when I might find them in my in-tray?" He has his arms folded and is rocking on his feet with his eyebrow raised expectantly. It's not even a lie. She's really one survival exercise short, and obviously she still hasn't made her mind up when she wants to go on leave. In fact, he's a little afraid it was his casually tossed out invitation to his parents' house in about four months that has made her hesitate with the leave confirmation.

She clears her throat again and shifts Torren in her arms a little. He seems to have taken a special interest in the ponytail that's lying over one of her shoulders. "All in due time, Major, all in due time." Torren is a little put off, now that she has moved her ponytail out of his reach and starts articulating his disapproval. With a benevolent smile, Teyla takes him back. Laura's arms look strangely empty now, and the thought of the little girl with her hair and her smile just won't leave his head. "As for the survival exercise… you do realize that I had lots of life fire practice recently, right?"

Now she seems a little unnerved for real, and he wants to bend down and kiss her forehead to smooth away the frown. She's right, of course. First the thing with the villagers which got her two weeks in the infirmary, then this mad Lost Boy – he still doesn't know if he really left her untouched or if something worse happened, and he has an inkling that he'll never find it out – then a few babysitter missions gone wrong… it really hasn't been her year so far. "I'll see about that. Depends on how long the paperwork will take you."

But instead of Laura, Teyla answers with a little delicate smile: "Oh, Major, I believe there is a term for this. Blackmail, is it not?" Now, Teyla, _that_ was a low blow, he thinks. It prompts a frown from him and a snort from Laura.

She can barely hold back her laughter, when she turns to Teyla. "Thank you for pointing this out, Teyla. I'm sure, the Major " – now a pointed look for him – "didn't mean it like that, did he?" The look in her eyes promises him a night on the couch… well, alone in his quarters, that is, if he goes on pestering her with the paperwork and the exercise. Alright, so maybe he'll stop here. For today, that is. After all, he's still her commanding officer.

"Not a bit. Now… anyone wanting to accompany me to lunch?" The women look at each other, and it seems to him that some silent exchange is taking place. Good God, are women _psychic_?

"Well, actually… we were just taking a break between sessions. We weren't finished yet, were we?" Laura looks at Teyla, and again something seems to go on between the two that he fails to understand. One day, he promises himself, he'll ask his sister how women do this silent communication thing.

"No, not yet. I am sorry, Major. Maybe we can join you for dinner?" It's obvious now that they want him to leave, for God knows what. And when your opponents are Teyla and Laura… you're totally outnumbered.

"Dinner sounds nice. So… see you tonight?" He knows he shouldn't be doing it, but he can't refrain from shooting Laura a short look, questioning if they have a date _after_ dinner.

"Well… maybe. Depends on how much more attempts at blackmail you're planning." Ouch. She really means it. Maybe that remark about the exercise hadn't been such a good idea. But he really needs these reports or else _he_ will be reprimanded. But right, he shouldn't bring work into his private life, as hard as it sometimes is.

"Ouch. Alright… I promise, no blackmail tonight. Will I _now_ see you?" She's still not fully convinced, but again it's Teyla who reacts for her.

"Of course. If you don't mind some additional company, that is." Teyla smiles down at her son, indicating who exactly would be this company. Well, it occurs to him, if that means that Laura might hold him again…

"Sure not. Well then… have fun, huh." With that he leaves the room, conscious of the fact that they passed _another_ knowing look behind his back. Right now, he's really not so sure anymore that they didn't know he was eavesdropping on them. He wonders if he will really pass this night alone after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

Whoa, so finally he's out of the room. That strange look he'd thrown her when she'd been holding Teyla's son had been really unsettling. And of course not to mention the fact that she really didn't need him seeing her go all softie. It's strange, she knows, that she has no problems with him seeing her all distraught and exhausted after a mission, but doesn't want him to see her cuddling a baby. Maybe it's because this baby thing is exactly this kind of girly behavior she usually can't stand.

And maybe it's that utterly strange shock and desire she's seen in his eyes. She has no idea what to make of it, and that always scares her a little. This thing with Evan is still new enough that she's often enough second-guessing and over-interpreting, and this one thing is no exception. "Laura? Are you still with me?" She blinks. Oh right. Teyla.

"Sorry. I just… never mind." She smiles apologetic and wants to get up, but Teyla just shakes her head.

"Laura… can I ask you a question?"

She's not sure what comes now, but Teyla has become a friend in the last few weeks and months, so she smiles and says: "Sure, go ahead."

Teyla obviously is not sure how to phrase her question, since she takes her time and takes a breath before actually asking: "There is… something I do not understand. You and Major Lorne…" Uh-oh, she knows where this is going.

"Teyla, could we please… err…" Teyla smiles a little amused, but _she_ doesn't find it very amusing.

"Ah. So I was _right_. There is something going on between you two that goes by the name of… fraternization." Argh. They are _so_ screwed. If Teyla knows that word, it's almost sure that Sheppard has explained it to her. And the reason why Sheppard has explained it to her…

"Okay… Teyla… there _is_ "something" going on between Evan and me, but… it's not a good idea to talk about it, most of all not in a public place like this." There's still some lack of understanding in Teyla's face. Obviously, Sheppard hasn't fully explained the whole concept of anti-frat regulations to her. Or maybe… maybe it was rather Rodney who just let the word slip but never explained it to her.

"Please… tell me if I understood it the right way… Major Lorne and you are… an item, but you do not want it to be public because… because of what?" Alright, yes, it _was_ Rodney who let it slip.

"Because it's not allowed and usually results in separated postings in the best and a court-martial and dishonorable discharge in the worst case. And there are reasons for this. It prevents favoritism and clouding of judgment and… all kinds of other stuff. Major Lorne… Evan's my CO, and falling in love with those is about the worst thing one could do… well, bottom line: Not one of my most stellar moments." She has her face in her hands. It's true, but the worst thing is: Given the choice, she wouldn't decide any differently. Having Evan in her life is one of the best things that could happen to her.

"I see. But is it better to pretend nothing has happened? Because, quite honestly, _everyone_ can see that you two are beyond friends. Moments ago, he has tried very hard to appear like your CO, but I have seen his eyes, Laura. He was aching to touch you. And I have overheard some of the other Marines and Air Force Soldiers. You are… quite the talk among your fellow soldiers." The hint of a smirk on Teyla's face says a lot. She's had those suspicions and time and again Will Meyers had alluded to this kind of stuff during their first aid training lessons and lessons on explosives.

"I can… imagine. It's just that… I don't want to give him up. And I don't want to be millions of light years away from him either. I know it sounds stupid, but…" To her surprise, Teyla reaches out and puts a hand on her forearm.

"No, Laura, that does not sound stupid. Not a bit. It is quite natural, actually." She smiles another one of her knowing little smiles and absentmindedly tickles little Torren's feet. As the little boy starts to giggle, she picks him up and gives him a light kiss on the cheek. For a moment she finds herself wishing to have a kid of her own, but then reality comes crashing down back at her because that would mean having to leave Atlantis and probably Evan as well. And she's just not ready to abandon her career for something else yet, as well.

"Maybe, but when it means putting your career on the line, it _is_ stupid. And it always comes down to either call it quits or one of us having to leave Atlantis, if we want to save our careers." Frustrated she hits the mattress with her hand. She's been over this again and again and again… with Evan – and not always objective and peaceful – on her own, with Maureen Reece, Katie Brown… even Carson, and it always, always, always comes down to this one point. "God, I wish I could honestly say "I wish we never started it.", but that would be lying. I'm _glad_ we started that, because… because he just…" As much of a good friend as Teyla has become, she can't bring herself to tell her what being with Evan is like for her.

Teyla, though, has probably observed the two of them well enough that she has already formed her own conclusions about that. The knowing look in her eyes at least indicates that. She shifts Torren to her right and says: "To be honest… I have already talked with John about this…" Argh, here they go. But good that she gets an advance warning before she gets nuked by Sheppard. "And although he did say that your situation is not the easiest, he did not seem to mind much." Errr, he didn't? "Well, on a personal level, at least. I think he is even kind of pleased for you."

She sighs. "That doesn't change the fact that he has to do something about it, or _he_ will get in trouble. He knows that, doesn't he?"

Teyla nods. "Yes. And I do have the feeling that he may have come to a solution." Her face already falls, because considering how messed up this whole situations is, it can only be something bad. "Oh no, Laura, I am fairly sure that it is nothing that would do any of you harm. John likes you. _Both_ of you." She has to snort at that.

"That would be a real surprise, considering all the headaches we… I must have caused him." She still remembers the battles they fought over her having to see Dr. Obanashi after a particularly grueling off-world mission about three months ago. She'd never had a shouting match with a superior officer before, and she's pretty sure that she stood her ground pretty well, because in the end Sheppard had had to resort to Evan to make her finally take all the sessions.

But there had been one good thing about the psycho stuff: It had led to program especially for all the female personnel cleared for off-world activity, consisting of special self-defense classes, psychological coaching, first aid training… everything having to do with the special dangers to women in field missions. Building up the program and tutoring the women had been her way of coping with everything, and it had also lead to a real friendship with Teyla who had been assisting her in everything.

"Oh, I think you underestimate his tenacity. And I remember _myself_ causing him even greater headaches.", Teyla says and a wicked gleam shows in her eyes. She has to grin at that. Oh yes, everyone knows what had happened between Sheppard and Teyla during her pregnancy and in the weeks after that, when she hadn't been sure if she would remain on the team or not.

"Well, if you put it that way…" They both grin.

"See? Now… what about a shower for both of us and some lunch?" She wants to tell Teyla that they still have a session to finish, but her stomach tells her differently and so she agrees. They finally get up, pack up all their stuff and leave the room, chatting about this and that. Shortly before their ways part, Teyla becomes a little more serious again. "I know you do not want to hear this, but remember that telling the truth does not always result in harm. You may find that it could actually make some things a little easier."

She swallows. "Well… maybe. We'll see. Thanks for encouragement. Anyway… see you in twenty minutes down in the cafeteria?"

Teyla smiles, happy that her words did help her a little and nods. "Of course."

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**A/N: **Theeeere you go :) I'm not really satisfied with the end of this chapter since it could have been smoother, but I was actually surprised at how easy Teyla is to write. I always pictured her to be the hardest to write for some reason. As for Sheyla... mhmhmh... I'm not much of a John/Teyla shipper (mostly because IMHO TPTB just suck at writing this ship), but I'll see what I can do to satisfy both you and me ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

It's 0100 and he knows he should be in bed, beside Laura, not in the cafeteria, nursing a cup of tea. But even after the very entertaining dinner with Teyla, Torren and Kanaan and the rather quiet follow-up only between Laura and him in his quarters, he felt a little restless. She hadn't stirred when he'd eased himself out of the bed, used to him having to get up at different times than herself, and he'd taken a few moments to just look at her. The light from the two moons had filtered into the room, making her skin glow where it hit it. Her hair was spread out around her and she'd looked so very peaceful.

Recently, she's looked like that a lot more often than at the start of their relationship. She would often wake up in the middle of the night, gasping, panting, always a little disorientated. At first, when he woke up as well and had simply wanted to draw her to him and calm her, she would shy away from his touch at first and that had hurt. In his head, he'd known, of course, what her dreams had most probably been about, and why she always needed a little time to realize that it was only him in the bed beside her, but his heart had still been mighty afraid that she'd changed her mind about him. Gradually, the nightmares had lessened and she'd seek out his arms even before he became fully awake.

In turn, she would also simply kiss him when some nightmare or other would wake him up and her with him. Quite a few times they'd involved something happening to her, and every time he'd woken up, desperately needing to see and feel that she was still alive, she'd just put her hand on his cheek and whispered a reassuring "I'm here, Evan." After that she'd just put her arms around him and patiently waited until he was asleep again.

It's taken him quite some time to see that Laura wasn't the only one needing to accept that if you really wanted to commit yourself to someone you need to allow yourself to let them see you weak and helpless. He'd gotten a taste of that when they'd been taken hostage in the cave and in the two weeks after that when he'd not been allowed to leave his bed, but having Laura see him weak with injury still was something different from having Laura see him afraid of what his own mind is throwing at him.

He briefly closes his eyes, but before he can continue his musings, he hears a voice drawl behind him: "Sleepless again, Major?" He's startled enough to nearly tumble off his chair. Trying to get back a little of his decorum he sits up straight as he turns around to see his CO sauntering towards him.

"Just not tired yet, sir." That's not _really_ a lie, because he can feel the tiredness lurking around at the edges of his mind but just has his head way too full of things to be able to fall asleep already.

Sheppard has now arrived at his table, places his own cup of coffee on the table between them and sits down. "Yeah, I know that feeling." He bets Sheppard does. He, for his part, is even kind of happy that he isn't the one running the base's military contingent, but rather just the guy who follows orders and takes over whenever Sheppard is incapacitated. He's obviously just not ready for fully taking over a command of his own yet. "Anyway… what's keeping you up so late?"

He shrugs. "Nothing special. Just doing a little thinking. You, sir?" Over the course of the last few months, Sheppard has partially – well, in very _small_ parts – succeeded in gradually luring him out of his shell of reservation toward his superior. Laura had once remarked that she really didn't understand how two guys that have been working together so closely for years could still be so oblivious of each other's off-duty life and grudgingly he had to admit that she'd been right about that.

"Well, 'bout the same. Gotten anywhere with the brooding, Major?" He looks at Sheppard with a raised eyebrow.

"I wasn't _brooding_, sir. Just… thinking." Sheppard doesn't look very convinced.

"If you say so. Hey… there's something I'd wanted to ask you for quite some time now." He isn't sure if he really wants to know what it is, but since this is his CO he's probably not exactly in a position to refuse the question.

"Just do it, then." He looks at Sheppard and suddenly a kind of a wicked gleam has appeared in his eyes. Uh-oh.

"Well… "Property of the USMC"?" Argh. Laura had been _so_ right for berating him for wearing that in public. But who would have thought the Colonel would actually notice such things? Others – including Woolsey – he doesn't care about, but Colonel Sheppard knows _exactly_ what's going on among the military contingent in Atlantis _and_ he's in a position to seriously wreak his career if he allows himself a misstep too much. And the look in Sheppard's eyes tells him very bluntly that denial is not an option anymore.

"Well… I could tell you it's part of a bet with one of the Marines…"

"Major…" Sheppard suddenly looks everything but relaxed, and he almost suspects that the Colonel had actually been waiting for a chance to ambush him about this. He's thankful, though, that he didn't choose to make it a formal call to his office or his quarters.

"But… I… know that you value honesty in your officers…" Now Sheppard looks like wanting to say "Damn right I do.", but he doesn't interrupt him. "So… well… it used to be Lieutenant Cadman's t-shirt." Come on, he thinks, don't make me explain how it ended up in my possession just to punish me, because you know about that yourself.

"Major… how long exactly has this been going on?" His CO is very serious now, but his voice doesn't have the certain clipped tone superiors like to use when being only one step away from shouting at their subordinates. Well… yet.

"About… three months, sir. Since… returning from M8X-986." It doesn't surprise him that Sheppard isn't taken aback a bit about this. People like to call him an insensitive prick, just because he often enough displays a rather reckless attitude when it's about keeping all of the expedition members safe and still gives Woolsey headaches with throwing the rule book out the window at every possible occasion, but he knows better: The Colonel usually is very up-to-date with everything that happens on Atlantis. In fact, Sheppard had probably been one of the first people to realize where Laura and he were heading, maybe even before Carson Beckett.

"You know, Major, there's one thing I really don't get… why the _hell_ haven't you had the guts to tell me about this? Three months is _plenty_ of time, and we had more than one occasion where you could have told me." Genuinely put off now. He should have seen that one coming.

"I… honestly have no idea." Well, yes, he has, but how can you tell your superior that you didn't tell him because you were afraid of the consequences, afraid of him thinking less of you because you went and gave in to something you should have been able to ignore?

Sheppard isn't amused, and he doesn't blame him. In fact… considering the impact of this, he takes it surprisingly easy. For all he knows, Sheppard could already have shouted him to pieces, because when something really pisses off the Colonel he's not above serious reprimands. "You realize that this was a very stupid thing to do, right?"

It dawns on him that Sheppard isn't reprimanding him for falling in love with Laura Cadman, like he always thought… no, Sheppard is referring to holding out on him with the news. Suddenly he's positive that Sheppard would have done everything to keep them both in Atlantis, had he come to him the first moment he'd had the chance. Why hadn't he thought of that before? He swallows. "Yes, sir."

"And you also realize that I could make your life a living hell, right?" It's not an empty threat. Sheppard doesn't make empty threats. He must be really pissed off by now.

He almost feels like jumping up and exiting the room as fast as possible but that's not what he'd been taught at the Academy. No, they have ingrained the will and the ability to pull through everything deeply in him, and he'll stand his ground now. "Yes, sir."

"Then please, Major, give me _one_ reason why I shouldn't." That… surprises him a little. He doesn't know what he would have done in Sheppard's stead, but he's not sure if he would offer such an opportunity to a subordinate who withheld such serious information from him, effectively telling him that he doesn't trust him. He's got only one chance of redemption now, and he's not even sure if that will suffice.

"I… had the feeling you wouldn't be exactly thrilled about it, sir." Argh. Wrong thing to say.

"Oh, and do I look particularly thrilled about it _now_, Major?" He's losing his patience already.

"No, sir. And I… understand that. I understand that it was wrong withholding this from you and that we should have come to you with this a _lot_ sooner. It's just that…" Well, here you go, boy. Embarrass yourself. You certainly deserve it for that piece of enormous stupidity. "I… was concerned about how disappointed you would be in me, sir. And in Lieutenant Cadman, as well." Sheppard wants to say something, but he needs to get this over with without interruptions now. "I realize that this was an absolute misjudgment on my side, and I deeply apologize for my lack of trust in you, sir. I also… didn't want to be separated from Lieutenant Cadman so soon after… everything. I know that this was a very selfish thought and should have never influenced my loyalty to my commanding officer and my performance. I am… ready to take the consequences, sir." No, he isn't, because as much as he can't imagine his life without Laura, he can't imagine his life without Atlantis and his uniform, either. But the UCMJ doesn't ask for that.

For a long time, Sheppard is silent. Probably thinking up the most cruel ways to punish him for this massive mistake. He has resigned himself to his fate and is already trying to fully take the blame, so that at least Laura's record will be kept free of any blemish. He knows she won't like it – she really hates it when he takes her share of any beatings – but he just has to do it. He couldn't bear the thought that any of this could affect Laura as well.

When Sheppard speaks up again, he's nearly ready to resign his commission this very moment. "I see, Major." He doesn't want to look at Sheppard, afraid to see the disappointment he'd feared ever since this all began, but it's a matter of honor now that he doesn't back down. And he's surprised to see rather a little weariness and acceptance in them. "There's obviously been a huge misunderstanding here. While I'm still mighty pissed because two of my most capable officers couldn't trust me a little more, I'm probably to blame as well. Trust, as they say, has to be encouraged, huh?"

He's a little speechless now. Sheppard just told him that partly it's his fault that both of them didn't go to him right away. "Yes, sir."

"You're not off the hook, though." Oh. His relief probably must have showed through his stoic façade. But Sheppard's face isn't as closed off and angry as a few minutes ago. In fact, there's even a reluctant grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. "There's still the original issue. You got anything to say about it, Major?"

Other than he doesn't regret bending down and kissing her and never letting her go again? No. Or maybe… yes. "For all that it's worth: We didn't do it on purpose, sir." He really hopes Sheppard believes that, because he's got the distinct feeling that this isn't over by a long shot. All forgiven and forgotten in an instant? Not Sheppard's style.

The reluctant grin at the corners of Sheppard's mouth is still threatening to break through. "I certainly hope so." And then, after a few more minutes fighting that grin, Sheppard continues: "You still want to know what kept me awake?" He gestures a little clueless. Well… yes? "You and Cadman… you're not the only ones. You know about Reece and Moore, don't you?" Hell, yes, he does. In fact, _he_'d been the one telling Thomas Moore to stop this messing around with his team's 2IC and either call it quits or make something official of it. "Right. I've heard of at least three other cases and suspect some more. Military-civilian, military-military, civilian-civilian… US military, other countries' soldiers… it's like a fucking college dorm."

He can't hold back barging in saying: "_Exactly_ the same thing Laura said a few weeks back."

Now there _is_ a grin. "And she's damn right. You've got a pretty clever girlfriend there." Oh. That's… the first time someone called her this. Someone apart from him, that is. It's a little weird that it's his CO of all people.

"Thank you, sir." He can't quite hold the smug pride out of his voice and is for a moment afraid that he's gone too far, but Sheppard just smirks.

"Anyway, I've talked to Obanashi about this. She got me thinking a little because she confirmed the suspicions I already had: People living together in such comparatively close quarters, for a prolonged amount of time… they're probably bound to pair off. If I'd really send back everyone who had or has something with their co-workers and bosses… I'd have to send back half the expedition. In fact… Rodney and Katie Brown? Should have never happened. He's practically her boss." If he's honest… he never saw it like that. He always only focused on military non-frat regs, but of course on such an expedition… they probably should apply to the civilians as well.

But why's Sheppard telling him that? "So…"

"So… I've got two options. _Either_ I round up all the lovebirds, present them to Woolsey and we have to get us half a new expedition _or_ I risk my neck and appeal to Woolsey for talking the IOA into changing the non-frat rules for Atlantis personnel. What would _you_ do, Major?" Argh. Not exactly a question he knows an easy answer to. But well, his superior officer has asked his opinion to a difficult question and he owes him an answer.

"I'd certainly be losing lots of sleep over it." Sheppard smirks again.

"That obvious, huh?" He gives Sheppard an apologetic shrug. "Thanks for being _honest_, Major." Ouch. But well deserved, obviously. "Come on, quit stalling. I'd really like to know what you think about it."

Well… in the end it's not his call, but that doesn't give him any relief since he's got the distinct feeling that Sheppard isn't just asking him to torture him a little with some mind-boggling mystery. It's probably part of the Colonel's payback for himself holding out on him – asking him this, taking his opinion in account, making him as responsible for this decision as himself. "Errr… You know, I got the feeling that Mr. Woolsey isn't the same man as the Woolsey that arrived here. He _is_ amenable to sound reasoning and logic argumentation. And getting us half a new expedition, probably every two or three months… can't be in the IOA's interest as well." He takes a deep breath. "I'd risk it."

Sheppard simply nods and takes a long sip from his cup. Then he finally says: "I'll risk it as well. I can't promise you anything, but… I'll try my best." It astonishes him. Of course he'd known that Sheppard would risk everything for the members of his team – Rodney McKay included – but for the rest of the expedition? Him? Laura? He knows without fail that the Colonel isn't doing it simply because he doesn't fancy having to go through hundreds of records to find suitable replacements. He's doing it because the welfare of the people he is responsible for is important for him. And to think they'd wanted to replace Sheppard already a few times… Atlantis couldn't have a better military commander than him.

"Thanks, sir. On behalf of… everyone concerned." He owes Sheppard now. Big time. So he feels compelled to add something. "I think that goes without saying, but just to be clear about this, sir: If push comes to shove and you'll get into trouble for this… you won't have to face it alone."

Sheppard just nods and flashes him a half-grin that tells him he isn't sure if this will even work. "Neither will you, Major. Or the Lieutenant." Well… considering that ten or fifteen minutes ago he'd been ready to resign his commission at the Colonel's genuine irritation about him not simply telling him about the whole thing… this is some big admission.

He takes a deep breath, not sure if he really deserves what the Colonel just told him. "Thank you, sir. I… appreciate that. Well, and the Lieutenant as well, of course."

They share a mutual grin. He's not really sure what Laura would say about him taking the liberty of speaking for her, and Sheppard knows it. For a while, they just sit there, both with their feet up on chairs before them and their gaze outward facing the two moons over Atlantis. Then, Sheppard asks out of the blue: "Do you love her?"

Oh. Good question. Does he? It's only been three months now and in his last serious relationship he'd needed a year to get up the nerve to tell the girl in question how he felt about her. But things had been a lot different back then. He'd been a lot younger and he hadn't known the girl as long as he now knows Laura, and they hadn't been through half the things he's been through with Laura. Things haven't always been sugar and spice and everything nice between them, even in those last blissful three months – in fact, he can remember two or three really big rows and some minor ones – but ever since kissing her the first time he'd known without a doubt that this was something bigger than just hormones or a little fling. He takes a deep breath. Time for showing a little trust in the CO. "Yes, sir."

Sheppard nods, and a strange wistful look takes over his face for a few moments. "Would you, for example, have shot her if she'd been taken over by Replicator nanites and turned on you, Major?"

Whoa. That's a question he hasn't expected and that throws him pretty much off-course. But he gets an inkling as to why Sheppard asks that question. So he can't hold back asking a question himself… about something that has been lurking in the back of his mind for quite some time now, even though he knows it's impolite. "Would you have shot Dr. Weir if you'd had to, sir?"

Sheppard closes off his face for a moment, but that already tells him enough. There had been rumors going round about Dr. Elizabeth Weir and Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard being more than just colleagues, but he'd never given anything on them. He had, however, been observing from the sidelines and always had had the feeling that somewhere beneath Weir's controlled exterior and Sheppard's relaxed naughty-schoolboy-attitude they had both shared a deep affection for each other. Not necessarily romantic, but certainly very special. "Yes."

He'd anticipated that. It's about the same thing why he'd wanted Laura to shoot him in case he was contaminated with that enzyme stuff and why she had agreed to do it without hesitation. He's pretty sure Sheppard will understand it, when he says: "Then you've got your answer, sir."

And yes, Sheppard just nods. He is, however, true to his rather unsentimental disposition and chooses to divert the path of the conversation again. "I guess so. And by the way… _farm boy_?"

He feels himself coloring. He should have seen that one coming. If Sheppard had been perceptive enough to see the t-shirt when he'd been interrupting that little "sparring" session a few weeks ago, then he'd of course have heard Laura calling him "farm boy". He hadn't minded when she had started it – shortly after "Buttercup" had slipped from his lips the first time – but having his CO know that? God, just this side of embarrassing. "Don't ask, sir."

Sheppard can't hold back the amused grin. "Oh, alright… maybe I'll just ask Cadman about that one. By the way… I'd rather be the Dread Pirate Roberts, you know." Oh. Who would have thought. Sheppard has read the book as well, and _remembers_ it.

"Well… Buttercup loves the farm boy, not the Pirate, doesn't she?" Alright, that's… debatable, but that's not the point here, anyway.

"But farm boy's gotta tell her first, remember?" Yes, he does. He just doesn't want to talk about it right now, most of all not with his CO. So he's relieved when Sheppard changes the topic, probably sensing that this is something he has to reason out with himself. "Oh, listen, Major… another question… how long have we served here together? Three years? Four?" He raises his eyebrow. Sheppard is full of surprises tonight, obviously.

"Three and a half, sir." Sheppard makes an appreciative face. Well… yes, it's been quite a long time, now. They've been through a lot together. And Sheppard is risking his neck, partly for him as well. Maybe it's really time to give up his reservations. Even if he _still_ feels like Sheppard has something up his sleeve to teach him a lesson about not telling him stuff that clearly concerns him.

"Right. So… how much longer will it take you to call me John instead of "sir", when we're off-duty?" He grins. Really full of surprises tonight.

"As long as it'll take you to call me Evan instead of "Major" when we're off-duty." That prompts a full laugh from Sheppard.

"Still waters run deep, huh?" The both share a grin. "Anyway…"

"Hey, what did I do to chase you… Oh." Laura. Barefoot, and in her pajamas. Looking ready to bolt at any given moment at the sight of Colonel Sheppard. Argh.

* * *

**A/N:** Well... at least half a solution... and a thank you to all my rewievers :) _And_ a plate of _very _sugary cookies for **mac**, just in case she finally decided to desert me ;) BTW, I'm taking your hints and comments into account, **asugar**. Just... let me figure out something ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**

When she'd woken up without him by her side, she'd not been worried, because she's used to him getting up at different times than her… and his occasional need for some time alone. But she'd been a little thirsty… and been in the mood for a little cuddling. And since she knows that one of his favorite late night retreats is the cafeteria, with its big opening towards the sea and the very quiet atmosphere, she'd decided to go looking for him. And of course had to go in full force, calling out to him before even realizing who was sitting beside him. And _now_ she's probably in _big_ trouble. Should really go and find someone to sew that big trap of mine shut, she thinks.

For a moment, no one says anything, and she's still torn between fight and flight, but then Evan gets up and something in his face makes her want to bolt even more. But before she can run, he's reached her. She blinks. Oh, uh… a diversion! "Err, 'evening, Evan. Colonel. I was just… erm…"

"He knows, Laura. We just talked about it." Is that a resigned undertone in voice? Yeah, there surely is.

"Oh. Crap." Behind Evan, Colonel Sheppard comes sauntering up, a not really amused look on his face.

"Yep, that's one way to put it, Lieutenant." She so wants the floor beneath her to open up and swallow her. Apart from the fact that it's more or less over now, she can suddenly see herself slinking back to her family, somehow having to explain to them that their highly decorated poster-girl Marine daughter and sister just got herself a dishonorable discharge because she couldn't control her stupid heart, and that's not really a pretty sight in her head.

Sheppard lets pass by another moment, still that scary look on his face, and suddenly she's pretty sure he just found a way at getting back at her for yelling at him three months ago. She knew something had to come, and obviously this is the perfect opportunity for him. Good thing that this is still Sheppard, not one of her drill instructors. All of them would be _appalled_ at how lax she has become.

"However, Evan and I" – Wait… "_Evan_ and I"? What's going on here? – "just had a little talk and we decided that it's worth a try convincing Mr. Woolsey to butt heads with the IOA over changing the non-frat rules for Atlantis personnel. And Evan here…", he gives Evan a short punch in the shoulder, and for some reason the look he always has when he's up to something devilish has appeared in his eyes, "has just volunteered to help me put together all the necessary paperwork… you know, reports, surveys, accounts… that kind of thing. Quite a helpful fellow, our Major."

From the way Evan's jaw just dropped for a few seconds she can see that he most certainly did _not_ volunteer but rather _was_ just volunteered. Mh… she really needs to find out what the _hell_ is going on here. "Yeah, certainly. And very dutiful. I'm positive he won't disappoint you, sir." She sneaks him a questioning look and he replies with a "Later."-look. Sheppard for his part just pretends he hasn't seen this silent exchange, obviously content that he just managed to kill two birds with one stone.

"He better not. Well then, see you at 0800 in my office?" He grins at Evan with certain anticipation on his face. The Colonel really looks like someone who just got back at someone else for some nasty prank.

Evan, though, has obviously resorted to his stoic self and just nods. "Of course." She can see the "sir" that should have come now practically hanging in the air and wonders for the third or fourth time what the boys are up to.

"I thought so. 'Night, Evan. Lieutenant." She blinks.

A little dumfounded, she replies with an automatic "'Night, sir."

Evan, on the other hand, actually says "'Night, s… John.", which sounds all kinds of wrong in her ears. But maybe it's just because she's so used to hear them call each other "Major" and "Colonel" that she can't wrap her mind around the fact that for some reason they decided to drop the "sir" off-duty, yet.

When the Colonel is just around the corner, she turns back to Evan, with her arms folded in front of her and her eyebrows raised. "Mind telling me what this just was all about?"

"We were just… clearing up some difference. Oh, come on, don't give me that look, Buttercup." He bends towards her and places a soft kiss on her lips. He knows _exactly_ how to wipe that disapproval off her face, but she really wants to know what just happened. She can sense that it involved her and she hates people talking about her and being all secretive about it later. "Laura, come on, it's really late…" He's placed his hands on her hips and drawn her toward him, but she still has her arms folded and her head turned down. "I'll explain it to you tomorrow, I promise." His lips are still trying to land on her skin and he is detangling her arms and then taking her hands in his, kissing the fingertips. She risks a glance at him and nearly melts at the puppy dog eyes. Whoever said that Sheppard is best at that game, is surely…

"I think you might want to keep _that_ to yourself in the future."

Startled, they both turn around. Sheppard is poking his head through the door, trying to look reprimanding but not quite able to hide the wicked grin. She just _bets_ he's been lurking outside the cafeteria to catch them both at this, just to deliver his line.

Evan has let go of her hands immediately and straightened up. Old habits die hard, she thinks. "Of course, sir." Sheppard just raises his eyebrow.

"Told you it's John. Try the "sir" at 0800 again. Now, you two be good little soldiers and go and do… whatever you were up to in some not so public place." With that he finally disappears.

Evan turns towards her again and sighs. "You still want to know what happened?"

She narrows her eyes. "Well, what does it look like, mister?"

Defeated he sighs again. "Alright… let's get back to my quarters, and I'll tell you on the way?" She knows she could let him dangle now, even tell him that _now_ she doesn't want to hear it anymore, but to be honest: She _is_ curious, and apart from that his little tries at distract her have reminded her of the original reason she'd gone to look for him.

"If that is just a feeble attempt to lure me back into your stables, farm boy…" He grins a little sheepishly.

"It's not, honestly. Well… not much." She rolls her eyes, but agrees to come with him. As they make their way through Atlantis' deserted corridors, he tells her that Sheppard has known all along and had waited for them to come to him on their own. As he talks about Sheppard being genuinely _pissed_ at them for withholding this from him, he sounds really distraught, and she can imagine how he must have felt when Sheppard had delivered the blow on him. She wants to rub his shoulder to tell him that he's not alone to blame for this, but she's still very mindful of Sheppard's last admonition about PDAs, so she just says something about this.

He smiles a little ruefully, and she's sure he'll give her a lecture about how this is his responsibility and everything, but instead he just goes on, explaining to her what exactly this paperwork business is about, and she's so relieved at Sheppard choosing to at least try this that she secretly resolves to thank him in person the first chance she gets and volunteer some of her time to this as well. If Sheppard is risking this for the people under his command it's only fair that the people under his command help him get it right. And now she finally gets the part with the new first name basis as well. About time, she thinks, and can't hold back giving him a "Told you so."

He just smirks and opens his door. Inside… they can barely wait until it has closed again. They were walking back with some space between them, always conscious not to touch each other… and that now explodes into him having her up the closed door and kissing her wildly in the same second it has fully closed. Giggling at his sudden passion, she wraps her legs around him and he has her over in his bed on her back in no time. It's one of the things she enjoys so much about him – that he can go from controlled, stoic and all business to passionate, tender and warm in the blink of an eye.

"You know… when I went in search for you… that's not what I had in mind." He's slowly removing her top and kissing the newly revealed skin.

"What was it then?" In the moonlight from outside she sees the flash of a grin on his face and rolls him around, straddling him and removing his t-shirt.

"Oh… just a little cuddling…" He looks up at her as she bends down and places kisses on his collar bone, coming across that little scar she's kissed quite a few times now and comes – as she knows now – from an accident in his time at the Academy involving a girl, a jealous boyfriend and quite some alcohol.

"Cuddling, huh? Well, we could… always… revert to that…" The suppressed need in his voice tells her differently and she grins.

"Nope, too late for that now." Her hand grazes the still fresh scar on his chest from the cave mission three months prior and his breath audibly hitches in his throats.

"I was hoping… you would say that." She bends down to kiss another scar a little further down from the one on the chest, one that he owes to a rather vicious skirmish at some Wraith infested planet, only two months after he'd arrived in Atlantis. It still amazes her that he's practically got the story of his life edged into his body. There'd been a night where she had asked him about all the ones she'd come a-based,cross then and it had almost told her more than all the e-mails and letters she'd received from him and the late night talks and all that other stuff. She'd learned about his years at the Academy, his early years as an officer, his family… that very first mission with the SGC to the mining planet he'd always skirted around telling her about before…

He's decided not to let her do all the work and has her on her back again, lying beside her and half-leaning over her. His hand moves into her hair and he captures her mouth with his. Eagerly she responds and is almost disappointed when he stops. As he disengages himself from her again, something strange is shining in his eyes… something else than just desire and want… "God, Laura, I love…" He purses his lips and swallows and she isn't quite sure what'll come now. "I love… the way we fit." Well… alright… that wasn't exactly what she's expected. And in his eyes she can very well see that he'd wanted to say something quite different.

"I know. Me, too… farm boy." Did he get what she's trying to tell him? That she's okay with him not telling her yet? That she can wait as long as he needs to? That she knows anyway?

"'M glad 'bout that, Buttercup." His voice is thick with emotion and without another word he starts to love her very slow and very tender, bending down and kissing the small spot right above her breasts. She feels herself arch toward him and grip the hair at the back of his head. As his mouth wanders down south, she finally lets go of all the brooding and the worrying and the wondering and surrenders to his hands and lips.

Later, when he's almost asleep with his arm across her stomach and his head beside her shoulder and her hand is lazily playing through his hair, she turns her head to the side and kisses his forehead. When he kisses her shoulder almost in reflex, she decides to ask Sheppard if he might want to hand over _all_ of that paperwork to her. After all, she's probably the woman that'll most profit from his efforts, and she's willing to pay every price for it.

* * *

**A/N: **There you go ;) Okay, people... I'm already almost four chapters into the next story (action-based, with a wider casting, such as Jennifer Keller, Teyla, Sheppard...). Is there any interest in that or do you want a break? I also promise to continue writing "Odd Man Out" (a few days ago I discovered that there's still one finished chapter I haven't published yet, but that I also need to overhaul a few other chapters before I can publish that... I haven't forgotten about that story, honestly), I just need a little time for that. So: Next story in a few days? A break?

And something for **Asugar**: You didn't offend me. In fact, you pointed out something I should have thought of, and I always appreciate people doing this. Please keep pointing out things for me :)


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